Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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