Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
