I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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