Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
