there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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