by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
