Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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