we have officially lost it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
