after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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