I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
