So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
