I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
