So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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