i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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