Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the day after is always just damage control
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
