Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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