we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
