I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
