Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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