She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
These tits shall not be calmed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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