I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
