There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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