i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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