i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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