do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
