Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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