The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
