so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize