i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
