saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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