Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
