I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
