haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
