the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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