I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
