I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
