you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
