OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
