I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This toilet bowl is my home.
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