This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
