There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
