I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
