My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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