I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
