nut hugger
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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