he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.