ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
