He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
