Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
