Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
