last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
