So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize