Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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