my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize