Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
