Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
