Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
