I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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