I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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