Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
